i know i'm updating alot lately but i have had alot on my mind.

lately i've been thinking about past friendships in my life. you know the kind where you talk everyday and you can't get enough of each other and no matter what happends they are the one you turn to...and then all of a sudden it stops. youre suspended in time not knowing why or how. i've felt this. i had someone so close. we talked daily about everything. but i sort through my mind about what happend and i can't figure out who ended it. me or her. i can't figure out why. or when. or anything. and now i sit here, and songs play through my speakers and i realize what i miss. i realize what i lost. i realize how we take friendships for granted and how easily they slip away. every friendship i've had seems to not last more than a few months or a year. i cant say i have been lucky enough to have someone i can rely on and joke around with that has been there for years. you watch these friendships pass through from heart to heart and you realize how every person that has them as a close friend is lucky, because you reflect on everything you did/talked about and how amazing this person was to you. but now that you're gone and i'm here i don't think i can ever say i'm going to visit a best friend because the communication stopped. the closeness was replaced with a winter that set in to cover us in snow and blind our eyes and take away from something amazing. but i guess this is all in growing. i guess everyone goes through this. but one thing i can't say to my kids or to anyone is that i've been friends with someone since high school or middle school or grade school or even college...i can't watch their kids grow and they can't watch mine. i don't have that. i wish i did. but i guess its a double edged sword when friendships dissipate into nothingness. we're ruthless. we keep moving. we keep needing new. better. more. and i guess thats where you went. just don't forget me.

Currently Listening One Fell Swoop By Spill Canvas see related

my empty promises lead to our demise.
and i could never tell you how i really feel.
and for that, i eternally apologize.
i hope you never forget the tapping at your window,
with the harsh cold and the jealousy
running through my bones.
we were both selfish.
but i think i was more.
i would like to thank you
for showing me apart of myself that i had never seen.
yeah we were young and dumb,
but it still was fun.
and i guess these things just tend to fall apart.
and i hope you feel the same.

in this small amount of time i never thought i could love someone so much. and with the passing of time i guess we all learn whats more important and what comes first. and i hope you know i'll never forget you, or what you did to my heart.

if i could only tell you this in person it would make alot of things easier for me in my last days here with you. but i think you might know how i feel through the signs we both try to ignore. we all knew it was a matter of time before it was over, so we had to ignore the notions and the feelings we felt and move towards something else. i'm sorry it had to come to this. i'm sorry i had to even show you the notion that we could have been. but the time will come for the both of us when we find something just as amazing.

i'll miss that and you.

Currently Listening Tiffany By Tiffany i think we're alone now see related

so tomorrow marks the first day for my very first college final. ahhh! scary. nah, i'm not too scared. but i'll tell you one thing..i just want this weekend to go fucking fast so i can go to my white trash bash/goodbye party being thrown by my lovers at work, and so that i can go home and see my only loves!!!!!!!!!!!

i can't wait. wish me luck!

Currently Listening Fevers & Mirrors By Bright Eyes see related

do you ever sit and observe? i'm not talking about observing life or anything like that, i'm talking about observing  people? you know..people watching. today, i took in so much about alot of the people around me. but mostly one person in particular. but it struck me as odd as i was observing...i wondered...do other people wonder what is going through someone elses mind, or what kind of life they lead, or whats going on in their life right now? have you ever just wanted the opportunity to meet one person in your life becuase you find them interesting just by observation? i'm not sure if its possible for that to even be true, but there is this girl in my science lecture and its a class of nearly 500 kids, and i can't even begin to explain her. i've watched her since the beginning of the year..

her details are:

-she always sits in the front, on the last corner seat of her row
-she always wears hats
-she is into fashion
-she has huge purses
-she bites her nails
-she drinks fiji water
-she really likes gaucho pants
-she hasn't said a word to anyone in the class
-she is tall
-dark brown hair
-she fake tanned once, because i saw the orange stains on her hands
-she always listens to her ipod while going to class

now..i know this is really freaky for me. i kind of feel like a stalker. but she stands out to me for some reason. and today..i wondered if other people do this..i mean, im sure maybe once or twice others have done this but its weird. i mean, i sit and wonder about alot of people and wonder if we'd get along, or if theyre even nice, or cool, or nerdy or what. i don't even know how to explain what i'm talking about.

anyway--i guess what i'm saying is lately i've been very observant of my surroundings, taking in my last few days up at school here. but i can't help but be happy to be coming home.

i just like people. and observing. drawing. painting. the human mind. AH i'm a freak. haha.

10 days.